


Playing Cupid

by EmilyFairy



Category: Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, No wives, Romance, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-16
Updated: 2006-02-16
Packaged: 2019-04-28 19:51:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14456532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyFairy/pseuds/EmilyFairy
Summary: Drew is tired of Ryan and Colin's constant flirting, so he decides to take matters into his own hands, with a little help from Wayne…





	Playing Cupid

**Author's Note:**

> Fluff. Total fluff. But hopefully it's humorous anyway. Told from Drew's POV. Oh, and just to make it easier, the wives don't exist. Isn't fiction great? *grin*

I had been watching them make cow eyes at each other for years before I finally snapped. 

It all started three days before Valentine's Day. Colin and I were enjoying a little break before taping began. We sat next to each other on the couch in the Green Room, drinking a couple cans of Pepsi and chatting together. I wanted beer, but Dan didn't like it when I drank before the show, and I didn't feel like getting into a big argument with him over it if he caught me. 

And he would. He had eyes everywhere. Sometimes I wondered if he planted hidden cameras around the set and sat around laughing at us from somewhere on high. 

Anyway, I was in the middle of telling one of my famous dirty jokes, and beside me Colin's face was turning an interesting shade of pink, when Ryan walked in. He stopped in his tracks as soon as he saw Colin, and his whole face lit up. Colin's color darkened even further, and he looked up at Ryan through his eyelashes. 

They stared at each other for a minute, both of them smiling, while I rolled my eyes. Those two were just pathetic. "Hi, Ryan," I finally said when I couldn't stand it any longer. 

He flinched and tore his eyes away from Colin. "Oh, hey, Drew," he said, trying a little too hard to sound casual. 

His eyes immediately slid back to Colin. "Hey, Col," he murmured, shooting Colin a flirty grin.

Colin gulped and stared down at the Pepsi in his hand. "Hey, Ry." 

And then Ryan somehow managed to wedge his way between the two of us. He couldn't stand it when anyone else sat next to Colin. He threw his arm around Colin's shoulder and stole a couple sips of his Pepsi. Colin whacked him with a pile of taping notes, but he didn't even seem to feel it. 

"It's not my fault you didn't bring enough to share with the whole class," he said as he tried to grab the can for another drink.

Colin twisted away, and Ryan leaned over him. "It's Drew's!" he protested, laughing. 

"Oh, sure… blame Drew," Ryan teased, moving closer. 

Colin almost fell off the edge of the couch. He held the Pepsi can up over his head, and from above him Ryan purred. Yeah, you heard me. _Purred_. Like a cat ready to pounce. "C'mon, Col, just one more sip. Please? It's not like I have germs or anything."

"No!" said Colin, but he was smiling, and his arm dropped a little when Ryan scrambled up his chest. "Get your own!"

"But why should I when I can just have some of yours?" All while he was speaking, this was happening: Ryan made a grab for the can. Then Colin hoisted his arm back up, teasing him. Then Ryan crawled higher, growling… 

I cleared my throat, because I so didn't feel like watching the two of them put on yet another encore performance of their bizarre mating ritual. Years they'd been doing this, in front of all of us. "Uh, guys?" 

They froze and straightened up with identical guilty looks on their faces. 

"Sorry," Ryan said. He punched Colin in the shoulder, trying to play it off like it was all buddy-buddy. 

Colin busied himself smoothing his shirt, and I pretended not to notice the way his breathing came out all funny. I pretended not to see Ryan's leg twitching excitedly, or the glazed look in his eyes. I pretended like they were "just friends", the way they always claimed they were whenever they were questioned. 

It was ridiculous. They were obviously in love with each other, and we all knew it. But yet they weren't together. Someone had to force them to see the light. And since it was almost Valentine's Day, I decided that this year, I would be playing Cupid.

***

There was just one problem. I had no idea what I was doing. How was I going to get Ryan and Colin together? It wasn't exactly like there was a manual laying around for this sort of thing. I was pretty much on my own here.

I decided to pester the rest of the guys in the cast for some ideas. I asked each of them, "What's the most romantic movie?" 

"Oooh… _Lady and the Tramp_!" said Chip, a bit too enthusiastically. 

"Definitely _Titanic_ ," said Wayne with a dreamy sigh that sort of frightened me. 

"How the hell should _I_ know?" asked Greg, stubbing out his cigarette in one smooth motion.

"Uhh, _Speed_?" Brad grinned. 

" _Casablanca_ ," said Jeff. "It's a classic." 

Okay. So my plan had to involve Ryan and Colin eating spaghetti in a bar on a runaway boat. Somehow I had a feeling that wasn't going to work out.

I sank my head between my legs. I was never going to be able to pull this off. Valentine's Day was only two days away, and I had nothing. 

"Drew? Is everything all right?" 

I looked up, and there stood Wayne, peering down at me with concern. 

"No," I moaned. 

"What's wrong?" 

Now, I was all set to make up some lame excuse about how I wasn't feeling well, or maybe say that I was tired 'cause I couldn't sleep last night, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I needed the help, and Wayne was… Wayne was… okay, maybe he wasn't exactly what I needed, but I didn't really have a lot to choose from here.

I sighed. "Can you keep a secret?" 

He settled himself down beside me. "Of course I can. What's up?" 

"It's Ryan and Colin," I began.

Wayne groaned. "Oh, God. Don't tell me. They were caught practically dry humping in the halls again?"

I laughed. "Something close to that, yeah. Anyway, I'm getting sick of it." 

"Me too. Someone needs to do something, or else I'm gonna just throw the two of them in a closet until they start making out like we all know they want to."

I clapped him on the shoulder. "Wayne, you have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that…"

*** 

Wayne thought that we should figure out for sure that Ryan and Colin had feelings for each other. Even though I told him that anyone with eyes could see it, he said it still wasn't enough. "What if we're wrong? What if they really are just friends?" was how he put it. "Then we'll look really stupid, and they'll never talk to us again."

I loved Ryan and Colin like they were my own brothers, and I didn't want to lose either one of them. So I agreed with Wayne that a little caution was needed, before we proceeded with our big plan. We decided that we'd have a little chat with each of them. 

I offered to talk to Ryan, since we were fairly close thanks to all our years of working together. Wayne said he'd talk to Colin, and then we'd swap reports. If all went well, Cupid would be making a match. 

And that was how I found myself sitting in Ryan's dressing room fifteen minutes later, trying to think of the most subtle way to bring up his feelings for a certain bald Canadian. 

Oh, screw subtle. I didn't have time. I only had one more day to pull this off, and if Ryan couldn't deal with me being blunt, well… that was too bad. He wasn't getting paid this week. 

"Ryan? What do you think of Colin?"

Ryan's eyes narrowed. Did I mention he had a possessive streak a mile wide when it came to Colin? "Colin's too good for you," he growled.

"Uh, eww!" I shuddered. "No offense. Actually, I meant… uh, I've noticed some stuff happening between the two of you lately, and I was just wondering what was up." 

"'Stuff'?" he repeated, adopting a carefully neutral expression. 

"Yeah, it almost seems like maybe you're flirting with him or something," I said.

Ryan blinked, and his face still wasn't giving anything away. "'Flirting'?" 

Ryan could be the most infuriating bastard in the world when it came to talking about anything even remotely connected to his feelings for Colin. 

"Quit that!" I yelled. "Look, I'm just trying to help you out here." 

Ryan scrunched his face up in that arrogant way I hated. "I don't need help. Besides, he only likes women." 

I stared at him in astonishment. "What?" I couldn't believe he honestly didn't see it. 

"Well, have you ever seen him with another guy?" 

"No," I said. "But that doesn't mean anything." 

"Yeah, but he knows. He knows that I've dated other men. If he liked me, he would have…" Ryan sighed and bit his lip, a rare vulnerability filling his eyes. "Never mind. Forget I said anything. They need me in Make-up." 

And with that he hoisted himself up and sauntered down the hallway without a backwards glance, leaving me staring after him, open-mouthed. 

"What just happened here?" I asked myself.

*** 

"Drew!" Wayne barreled down the hall and almost collided with me, flashing that white toothy smile at me while he caught his breath. 

"Whoa! Wayne. Calm down, man. What's going on?" 

Wayne hooted and jumped around. Most of the time, he was fine when he was offstage. You know, a nice normal guy—calm even. But when Wayne Brady got excited about something, he went into hyperactive overdrive. 

"Colin and Ryan, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Wayne sang, spinning around and clapping.

I tugged him into my office before someone heard. "Shh! Wayne!" I smacked him. "I need you clear. Focus." 

Wayne pouted and rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry," he said. "But listen, man. Colin likes Ryan!" 

I leaned forward eagerly. "Are you sure?" 

"Yeah, 'cause listen to this… I went to his dressing room, and he was just sitting there with that sad little puppydog face that he gets sometimes. Anyway, so I asked him if he wanted to talk, and he told me he always got like this around Valentine's Day, 'cause he never had anyone special to share it with…

"Drew, I swear to God and all the angels I thought I'd hit the jackpot of golden opportunity. So I go, 'Well, you know, man, what about… what about Ryan?'

"And he looks at me all like he can't believe I'm even suggesting it. And he goes, 'Ryan? He'd never go for me.' It about broke my heart, I'm telling you. The look on his face, and the way he was staring down at his hands all rejected … 

"And then he said that Ryan just thought of him as a friend, 'cause, well, you know how long they've been friends, and he never made a move… and then he stopped like he'd said too much or something.

"So I go, 'Wait, man. You're telling me you have a thing for Ryan?'

"And he blushed. It was so cute, Drew! I just wanted to pinch his little cheeks! Don't give me that look. I didn't, I swear. And he goes, 'It doesn't matter. He doesn't like me like that anyway, so what's the point?' 

"So I gave him a hug and told him that maybe Ryan would come around, and if he didn't, me and the rest of the guys would kick his ass, and that got a smile from him anyway. And he thanked me and I left and now I'm here, and do you know what this means?" 

"What?" I asked, more out of obligation than any actual desire to know. 

Wayne grinned and pulled me into a whirling dance. "Colin and Ryan, sitting a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" he chanted.

"Your spelling's gotten better since the hundredth episode, I see," I teased. 

That slowed him down, and he finally dropped my hands. I was glad, 'cause my office was spinning and my heart was pounding in my ears. "Shut up," he said. "So what's the word on Ryan? Does he like Colin?" 

"Well, he didn't exactly say it, it was more like this look on his face, and—"

Wayne frowned at me. "Man, you suck at this."

"Hey, you know how Ryan is. That's the best I could get. Anyway, trust me. I know Ryan. He definitely likes Colin." 

"If you're wrong, you gotta take me to Vegas with you next time you go."

Oh, god. Wayne, in Vegas? In addition to the flashy lights and the colors and the loud music? That might be pushing it. But it didn't matter, because I was that sure I was right. "You got a deal," I said. 

***

The stage was set for our master plan. I asked both Ryan and Colin to come by my place for a little while, pretending that I had some unfinished business from the show. I guessed that was true enough, even if it wasn't exactly the way they were thinking.

In a way, it was kind of comical. Me and Wayne, putting together a romantic evening? Well, Wayne was married, so maybe he had some idea of what he was doing, but me? My idea of romance involved letting my date pick out the alcohol we'd be drinking that evening. 

At four o'clock on Valentine's Day, Wayne and I ran around, getting the living room all set up. Wayne brought over his new cd player, which was small enough to be portable but also featured incredible sound quality. I set up the intimate table for two and the candles right next to the windows, but I wasn't about to attempt cooking, and Wayne wasn't exactly a master chef either. Finally we settled on just ordering takeout, and having it delivered after Ryan and Colin arrived. We even planted a hidden camera. 

Sweeping out the fireplace was an adventure. Neither one of us wanted to do it, so we settled it like men—with a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Wayne lost, much to my relief, and I danced around him, gloating about the glory of the Almighty Paper while he glared at me. 

But hey, I was a nice guy. I pointed out all of the fireplace cleaning tools. And then I stood back and watched. After a few minutes, Wayne backed out of the fireplace with a full dustpan, covered in soot. I doubled over laughing, and he smacked me with the broom, but at least I got a break from cleaning that damn fireplace. 

He wiped the dust off his shirt and sneezed twice. "Can I please use your shower?" he begged.

I checked my watch. It was only ten after five. Ryan and Colin weren't supposed to show up until six. "Sure," I said, and showed him to the first floor bathroom. 

I contemplated stealing his clothes and hiding them, just for a laugh, but nah. Ryan and Colin would be here soon, and I didn't want them to get the wrong idea. I mean, me and Wayne? Eww. 

Wayne took really long showers, I discovered. And he exclusively sang Britney Spears. But since he had a good voice, I forgave him. And then I secretly recorded him for blackmail purposes. 

He exited the bathroom in a billow of steam at exactly quarter to six. "Ahh," he breathed, while I just stared at him like he was crazy. 

***

The doorbell rang just as we settled the gifts on the end table, and I panicked. "Aw, crap, they're early." I shoved Wayne upstairs. 

"I'll call you in ten from my cell!" he yelled as he retreated. 

I made sure the camera was turned on and ran for the door. Our plan was about to be put into motion. 

"Ryan, Colin, come on in…" I smiled like a sleazy used car salesman and herded them towards the living room.

Ryan exchanged confused looks with Colin as they walked into the living room. The lights were dimmed, the candles glowed, and the fireplace was lit. "Uh, Drew? What the hell is this?"

"Oh, yeah, I have plans for later," I said, which again, wasn't a lie. 

"Right," he said, giving me a strange look. 

Damn. Ryan knew that I would never have come up with something like this on my own. What was I going to say? "Someone helped me." 

"It's beautiful, Drew," Colin said, smiling at me while he rearranged the flowers in the vase on the table. "I'm sure that whoever this is for will absolutely love it."

"I hope so," I said, wiping my palms on my pants.

Colin mistook my nervous laughter to mean that I was worried about my "date". He patted my shoulder. "It'll be fine. You'll see."

Ryan crossed the room, and I swore I saw jealousy glinting in his eyes. "Col!" he said, touching Colin on the back. 

Colin gave me an amused little smile and turned to face Ryan. "Yes?" 

"Uh… you have, uh… you have a thread on your shirt," Ryan finished lamely, picking something off of Colin's back, even though I could see that there was nothing there. 

"Thanks, Ry," Colin said, and although I couldn't see his face, from the warm gaze Ryan gave him, I thought that they were back to making the cow eyes at each other again. 

Aw, what the heck. I'd let them look. It was Valentine's Day. And besides, it was a great way to kill time. 

The phone rang, and I ran to answer it. "Hello?" 

"Hey, baby," Wayne drawled. 

"Shannon? Is that you?" 

"Whazzzzzzuppppppp?" he squealed, and I wanted to hold the phone away from my ear but I knew that wouldn't look right. "'Course it's me. Who else could do that, huh?" 

"So, when are you gonna get here?"

"I'm already here, dumbass." Wayne cleared his throat. "Oh. I mean, help me, you big hunk of Drew! I'm in trouble and only your manliness can save me from extinction! And blah de blah de blah de blah, how do women talk like this all the damn time without losing their voice?" 

My mouth twitched, and I had to bite my cheek. "Oh, no. Stay where you are, okay?"

"Oh, hey, I ain't going anywhere. You got the best satellite system I've ever seen!" 

"Yeah, okay. I'll see you in a bit." 

"I look forward to it, baby." 

A little gasp of laughter escaped from me, but that was all right. I was supposed to like this Shannon chick enough to set up a romantic dinner for her, after all. "Bye," I said. 

"See ya," Wayne said, and we both hung up. 

"Drew? Is everything okay?" asked Colin.

"It's my date," I said. "She has a flat tire, and she needs me to pick her up. She's all the way down in Orange County somewhere, so I'm not sure when I'll be back."

"Oh no," said Colin. "Is she all right?" 

"She's fine," I said. "But listen, I'd still like to talk to you when I get back. So make yourselves comfortable, and I'll be back as soon as I can." 

Ryan shuffled his feet, looking a little out of place in the romantic atmosphere. "Comfortable. Right."

"Don't listen to him," Colin said, flashing me a reassuring smile. "We'll be fine. Go ahead." 

"Thanks for understanding, guys. See you in a little while." And with that I rushed out of the living room. 

Instead of going to the garage, I ran upstairs. Wayne lounged on the bed in the master bedroom, happily watching the Lakers game. For a moment I wanted nothing more than to join him and forget all about Colin and Ryan, but I couldn't. I grabbed the remote and fiddled with it until I picked up the feed from downstairs. 

Wayne sulked at the loss of his tv, but then his face lit up in a smile as he remembered why we were here. "Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match…" he sang.

We eased ourselves back onto the pillows and watched the action unfold…

***

"Uh, so…" Ryan laughed. "Bet you never thought you'd be spending Valentine's Day with me in a room that looks like Martha Stewart threw up."

"Oh, come on, it's not that bad," said Colin. "Besides, I think it's sweet that Drew did this. He obviously really cares about this girl… maybe he's finally starting to settle down."

I hid my face in my hands when Wayne poked me and snickered. I was going to hear about this later. 

"Or maybe he's just trying to find more creative ways to get some," Ryan said with a smirk.

Colin laughed as they both settled onto my leather couch. "That's probably closer to the truth." 

"So, you wanna watch tv?" Ryan asked. 

"Eh, why not?" Colin said. "Nothing else to do." 

Ryan fumbled around, searching for the remote. Colin nudged him, grinning. In his hand he playfully swung the remote back and forth. "Looking for this?"

"Give me that," Ryan demanded softly. 

"Come and get it," Colin replied, his eyes dancing in invitation as his arm curled around the back of the couch. 

On my fifty-seven inch high-definition tv, Ryan's gulp was perfectly clear. He ran one hand through his hair while he stared at Colin with wide eyes. "Uh…" 

"Damn," muttered Wayne from beside me. "Dude has it bad."

"Shh," I hushed him. "Check it out." 

On the screen Ryan lunged after a laughing Colin. Colin bent his entire body around the remote, shielding it from Ryan. Ryan wrapped his arms around Colin, trying to straighten him out, and when that didn't work he resorted to tickling his armpits.

Colin gasped and kicked his legs every which way, squirming in Ryan's arms. Ryan watched him giggle, and I was touched by the depth of feeling showing on his face. Colin didn't know it, but he was the only one who could coax that soft smile out of Ryan. 

"You give?" Ryan asked.

"Never!" Colin gasped, rolling away with the remote clutched in his hands. 

Ryan shrugged and straddled Colin in one quick, easy motion. Colin grunted, and Ryan leaned closer, his face hovering above Colin's. Colin's hands stilled at his sides, the remote forgotten as he looked up into Ryan's eyes. 

"Hey," Ryan whispered, reaching out one hand to trace Colin's cheek. "Hey, Col…" 

Wayne and I grabbed hands and exchanged excited grins. 

Just then, the doorbell rang, and Ryan guiltily jumped off of Colin.

"Damn!" Wayne hissed, dropping my hand. 

"That's gotta be the food," I said. 

"What exactly did you order anyway? And don't you dare say McDonalds!" 

I rolled my eyes. Everybody knew McDonalds didn't deliver. "Why don't you just shut up and see for yourself?" I said, pointing to the screen. 

Ryan and Colin were absolutely laden down with plastic bags. "Oh, my god. Look at all this," Colin said. "Should we take it to the kitchen?" 

"No, don't. It smells so good, and I'm starving," Ryan moaned. 

"Me too, now that you mention it," said Colin. 

"Do you think he would mind if we had some?" 

"I don't think so. I mean, there's a ton of food here. There's no way he and his date will be able to eat all this." 

"Are you sure? 'Cause this is Drew we're talking about here," Ryan said with a fond smile. "The man banned from every all you can eat buffet within a two hundred mile radius?" 

Wayne cackled, and I shoved him. 

When I focused on the tv again, Colin was taking all of the styrofoam cartons out of the bags and balancing them on the coffee table. "Well, he's got this table all set up and everything. So we might as well… I mean, I'd rather eat here than in the kitchen or something." 

"Me too," said Ryan. "And I guess all the candlelight's kinda cool."

Colin smiled and began opening the cartons, inhaling the no doubt delicious aromas wafting up. My stomach growled just watching him, and even Wayne looked a little hungry. "We're gonna get some of that later, right?" he asked.

"Maybe. If they don't eat it all. Believe it or not, Ryan can outeat me." 

Wayne snorted but didn't reply, and for a minute I wondered what that was supposed to mean. And then I decided I didn't care what he thought. I turned my attention back to the scene in my living room. 

Now they were sitting at the table. Colin had a plate full of what looked like some sort of Italian dish. Chicken parmesan, maybe. I think that was one of the things I ordered. He looked down at his food with a bit of trepidation. "Did you see the delivery guy's shirt? Bad Food, Lousy Service? What kind of crazy slogan is that?" 

Ryan's plate had steak stir-fry on it, which he shoveled into his mouth. "Well, whatever it was, it's not true. This is delicious. Try some." 

Ryan speared a pea pod and a slice of steak and brought it up to Colin's lips. Colin opened his mouth, and Ryan slid in his fork. "Mmm," said Colin, closing his eyes while he chewed. "That is good. Want some of mine?"

"Okay," Ryan said. 

Colin cut off a bit of chicken, and twirled some spaghetti around his fork. He offered it to Ryan, who closed his lips around the fork, his eyes never leaving Colin's. "Oh," he sighed. "Perfection." 

Beside me, Wayne whimpered. "I can't take it any longer! Can we please sneak down there and get some of that?" 

"No! They'll catch us. Anyway," I sighed. "I don't usually tell anyone about this, but I guess I can let you in on my little secret." I pushed a button on the side of the bed. A hidden compartment swung out of the wall. "Behold the Drew Carey mini-fridge and pantry. Always stocked with plenty of drinks and snacks." 

Two small shelves were built into the wall, lined with potato chips and cookies and assorted other junk food. And below was a good-sized mini-fridge filled with soda and beer, and yes, even some fresh fruit for when I had a rare craving for something healthy. 

"Cool," said Wayne with wide eyes. "I want one of these!" 

"It is pretty handy," I agreed. "So come on over and pick your poison." 

Wayne grabbed a bag of popcorn and a can of Pepsi, and I took a beer and a package of peanuts. And suddenly the room was filled with the sounds of happy munching and crunching. I sighed as I popped open my beer. It just didn't get any better than this. 

When I looked at the tv again, Ryan and Colin were clinking their glasses together. Their empty plates were pushed aside. "What should we toast to?" Colin asked. 

"Love," Ryan said, and I snickered at the sappy look on his face. 

Colin tilted his head, smiling. "What?"

"Oh, uh… I mean, since it's Valentine's Day and everything." 

Colin sighed, and I thought he seemed a little disappointed as he said, "Oh. Right."

"They're so stupid," Wayne grumbled. "Why isn't this working?"

"Calm down," I said. "It's not over yet." 

Ryan and Colin toasted to love, and I wondered if they were even aware of the love radiating off of every line and angle of their bodies. It wasn't just in their soft looks, their gentle touches and smiles. It was in the way they always seemed to lean into each other, even when they were just standing quietly. When they sat down with their legs crossed, their toes always pointed towards each other. And they almost always stayed within touching distance. It was like they each had a magnet inside them, the love pulling them together and surrounding them with its own force. I wondered if they even knew how lucky they were. I wondered if I would ever be that lucky. 

"Aww," said Wayne, pulling me out of my thoughts. 

Ryan and Colin sat at the little table, the candlelight flickering over their faces, making them glow. They sipped the wine and smiled at each other from across the table. _Love_ , their eyes said. 

"Should I do it now?" Wayne asked. 

"No. Wait," I said. 

Ryan hesitated, then opened his mouth. "Col?" 

"Hmm?" asked Colin, his eyes half-lidded from food and wine and maybe even Ryan himself. 

Ryan sighed. "I… uh…" He shook his head, and I knew he was chickening out. "Are you still hungry? Do you want more?" 

"No, thanks," said Colin, patting his stomach. "I'm stuffed. We've gotta get the name of that restaurant from Drew. Bad Food and Lousy Service indeed." He laughed, oblivious to the way Ryan watched him, one hand stretched out slightly like he wanted to touch him... 

"I think… I'm gonna have a little more," Ryan said, standing up and practically running to the coffee table for some salad.

"Hey, Ry?" 

"Yeah?" 

"What are those?" Colin asked, pointing to the gift bags on the end table. 

Wayne and I grinned at each other. Finally. 

"Oh, I dunno," Ryan said, crossing the room to check it out. "Hey, they have our names on them." 

"What?" Colin got up from the table and joined Ryan. Ryan showed him the tags, one clearly labeled "Colin" and the other labeled "Ryan". "That's really weird… Maybe they have something to do with what Drew wanted to talk to us about." 

"Maybe," said Ryan. 

"I know we shouldn't, but I kinda want to open them," Colin said, grinning impishly. 

Ryan laughed. "Okay with me." 

"Here." Colin handed Ryan his bag. 

Wayne and I leaned forward in anticipation.

Colin opened his bag first, pulling out a lacy red piece of lingerie. He wrinkled his nose in confusion. Poor Colin. He was always the girl. 

Ryan tore into his bag, and pulled out a pair of handcuffs and some massage oil. He laughed, just as I hoped he would. 

But Colin… Colin was now frowning. "Is this some kind of joke?" he asked. 

"What?" Ryan's look of disbelief mirrored mine and Wayne's. 

"Did you— did you and Drew set this whole thing up just to laugh at me? Yeah, Colin, he's such a girl, he can't get a date, even on Valentine's Day…" Colin sniffed, and his eyes looked suspiciously bright. 

Ryan stared at him. "Huh? Colin, no. You know I would never—"

Colin whirled away. "And here I thought… I thought maybe you…"

Ryan caught him by the arm. "Hey," he breathed, pulling Colin back. Colin refused to look at him. "Col… You thought maybe I… what?" 

"Nothing," Colin said, and I saw a couple tears drip onto the rug. "Never mind." 

"Shit," Wayne swore. "Drew…"

"Shh," I said. "Just wait." 

Ryan dropped Colin's arm and walked around to face him. "Col," he said. "What is it?" 

"It's okay," Colin said, his voice high and false. "I know it was stupid now for me to even think…" He paused when he realized that Ryan was running his thumbpad along the side of his face, brushing away his tears. "To even think that you…" 

Ryan trailed his thumb down Colin's cheek and rested it under his chin, tipping it up so he could see Colin's face. "To even think… that I what?" he murmured.

Colin swallowed as Ryan's entire hand caressed his cheek, dwarfing it. "Ry? What are you doing?"

"Tell me what you were going to say," Ryan said, leaning so close to Colin that their foreheads were almost touching. He moved his fingers higher, curling the tips into Colin's hair. 

"I thought… I thought… maybe... you liked me," Colin finished, and even in the firelight I could see the blush rising to his cheeks. He ducked his head. 

Ryan smiled, wide and open. "Look at me, Col." 

"I'm sorry, Ry," Colin whispered to the floor. I saw another tear trickle off the end of his nose. "I'll understand if you don't want to be friends anymore. I—"

"Anyway, you're wrong," Ryan interrupted. "Look at me, please." And he tipped Colin's chin again. "I don't like you. I _love_ you." 

Colin's eyes widened. "You're… this is a joke, right?" 

"No," Ryan said. "I love you. I've loved you for years." 

Colin wrapped his arms around Ryan's neck, pulling him in for a tight hug. "Why didn't you say something?" he asked. 

"Why didn't you?"

"Oh, come on, you… you're _gorgeous_ , and I'm… not," Colin said.

Ryan nuzzled Colin's ear. "Don't sell yourself short, Col. You know I hate it when you do that. I happen to think you're very attractive." 

Colin pulled away. "You do?" 

"Yeah," said Ryan, grinning down at him. "Isn't it obvious? I'm practically drooling." 

Colin laughed. "Should we look for a bib?"

"No," Ryan replied, tightening his hold on Colin's waist. "You're not going anywhere. You're staying right here." 

"Aww," Wayne burst out with again. He wiped his eyes. "Who knew Ryan was such a big old softy?"

"Yeah, he hides it pretty well," I said. "I see it sometimes, but Colin… Colin's the only one who really brings it out like that." 

"'Cause that was… I mean, wow," Wayne said, shaking his head in amazement. "I always knew Colin was a sweetheart, but damn. I wish Ryan was my boyfriend now!" 

I snorted. "You're married, Wayne."

"So? I'll get a divorce." He shrugged. "Steal Ryan away from Colin, run off to Reno…" 

"Not gonna happen," I said. "Look at them." 

They stood in the middle of my living room, wrapped around each other like they were one person. And for a moment I couldn't tell where Colin ended and Ryan began. They completed each other that well. 

"Yeah," Wayne said. "You're right. They belong together. So… can I do it now?"

"Now," I agreed.

Wayne hooted with glee and grabbed the remote. "This is the best part!" he said, pushing "play". 

And downstairs, Wayne's cd player burst into life. The first strains of "No More Soft Food for You" filled the air.

_Because my doggie, she is thirteen years ooooold…_

Wayne groaned and covered his face. "Do I really sound like that?"

I grinned and threw a pillow at him. "Oh, yeah." 

He stamped his foot at me, but I turned my attention to the tv screen. Ryan and Colin were laughing. "Do you get the feeling we're being set up?" Colin asked.

"I'm gonna kill Drew," Ryan muttered. 

"Oh, you know he means well," said Colin. 

"Well, maybe later I'll kill him," Ryan purred. "'Cause right now they're playing our song…" 

And he held his hand out to Colin, inviting him to dance. "Mmm," Colin said as he folded himself into Ryan's arms. "Ry?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you. Just in case you hadn't figured it out." 

Ryan pretended to stagger back a little. "You love me? Really?"

"Really really," Colin agreed. 

"I knew that all along," Ryan said, tossing his head conceitedly.

Colin laughed, and leaned his head against Ryan's shoulder, stroking his fingers through Ryan's hair. Ryan looped his arms around Colin's waist, pushing them closer together. Then he rested his head against Colin's, so they were dancing cheek to cheek. 

While they swayed to the music, they looked just as happy and at ease as they had that day during the show. Happier, maybe. And this time, they didn't have me around to buzz them out. This time… 

"Oh, god," I sighed, covering my eyes and peeking through them. "They're gonna…" 

As the last notes of the song rang through the living room, Colin raised his head off of Ryan's shoulder, looking up into Ryan's eyes. Their bodies stilled, their inner magnets pulled them closer, and their lips finally touched. And the next thing I knew, Ryan and Colin were kissing in the firelight. Which was sweet and all, I guessed, but not something I particularly wanted to see. 

Wayne reached over and turned off the tv. He looked at me and said, "Colin and Ryan, sitting a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

And tonight, I let myself be pulled into the dance.


End file.
